For the Longest Time

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Has it really been over two weeks? I think it has, and that means I'm a terrible blogger! But AGAIN, I've been crazy busy (I know -- excuses, excuses...). Quick recap:

• I'm still getting all moved in and settled and trying not to run out of money decorating.
• Went back to Ann Arbor this weekend to see the Wolverines kick some major Wisconsin boo-tay. Redemption feels sooooo good after the past few sucky games. Also, what kind of a mascot is a badger? And no one better say one word about my precious wolverine. Wolverines are much more badass than badgers.
• Speaking of going back to Ann Arbor, I also pretended I was in college for the weekend since I went back with the girls I lived with senior year. This means that I consumed insane amounts of alcohol (I dominated at quarters, btw), didn't sleep, ate chipatis, went to the Jug AND Rick's (bars, of course), visited the sorority house (we stopped in to talk to the house mom and then she told other alum that we crashed there! We most certainly did not.), and drank a Sparks (an alcoholic energy drink. Or, pretty much the worst thing for you on the planet since there's nothing like combining uppers and downers to give you heart palpitations.) for breakfast before noon on football Saturday.
• I got a NEW JOB!!!! More details to come, yo.
• I decided that I might really write a book. I know that sounds crazy, but trust me, my actual writing is much better than what I do here. And I also have so many book ideas floating around in my head and on random notebook pages that it's not even funny. I know it isn't easy getting published, but I'm going to start researching how to pitch ideas and actually get your manuscripts into the right hands. Anyway, I'm thinking about either a book of funny/entertaining nonfiction essays (a la David Sedaris or Sloane Crosley) on my opinions and experiences (strangers on the train, anyone?) or a themed book about one aspect of my life (my family always provides good material for weird/awkward stories and there's another idea I'm bandying about, but it's a secret for now). This idea is still kind of under construction, so who knows? Would anyone buy a book by this random blogger here? I promise it wouldn't be bulleted.

OK, so that's it. I meant to make that quick and witty. Oops.

I'll be back in less than two weeks this time!

White Wedding

So, recently I attended two weddings, in one of which I was a bridesmaid and for another I was a wedding singer. Because you know, I have the voice of a freaking angel.

The first was the worst wedding on the planet (I referred to it as the nuptials from Hell before) and was so draining because over half the church and the bridal party thought it was a bad idea. And we had said so. Many times. The bride's side was practically dying and no one smiled and it was one of the tensest situations I've ever been in. Also, the minister was reeeeeallly driving home this "subservient and obedient wife" thing and a friend's father said he had never heard the word 'fear' so many times in one hour. (And we Catholics thought our guilt was bad!) Anyway, as I may have mentioned before, I was a women's studies major and I do not take very kindly when religious texts use the phrase "the weaker vessel" to describe me as a female. And just because the term "whore mongers" is in the Bible does not mean it needs to be included in a wedding ceremony. So apparently my expressions were not church friendly as I was facing the congregation. I may have actually turned my face away from everyone a few times because the anger showing on my face was getting offensive. I know that sounds rude, but you honestly had to be there. I have never been to such an unhappy occasion. After the ceremony, the brides maids and the bride's sisters and cousins all went into the parking lot to drink wine. Out of plastic coffee cups. Because we're classy like that. The epitome of, even.

However, the other wedding, which was my cousin's, was absolutely beautiful and was the most fun I've had in a long time. My dad's side is a little more crass and they all hold back a little less. They also drink A LOT more, which was fun for me! I think I danced to about 75% of the songs, including every line dance imaginable. In fact, my sister and I taught everyone the moves to the Love Shack. Apparently we are two of the very few who know it...anyone else learn it when they were younger? I've been doing it since age seven in my country club swim team dance days. Then we learned it again in gym class in seventh grade. Nevermind. I had a weird childhood. But back to this fun wedding. We danced a ton, played with all of the little ones that I never get to see anymore now that I'm not in Michigan, drank too much wine, and heard my somewhat introverted, 31-year-old cousin rap "Bust a Move" in its entirety over the DJ's microphone. OH, and I saw a football player from my high school who was a year older than me. We chatted for a bit and I learned that after going to school for three years, he dropped out and moved home. Then he became the bartender at my cousin's wedding. I'm going to hell for this, but I found it veeeerrryyy funny.

Anyway, this last wedding totally made up for the previous one. And between both of them I picked up some ideas for my own (possibly-never-happening-because-I'm-going-to-die-alone-with-cats) wedding. First, even though I do want a traditional, religious ceremony, I will not be allowing readings that tell me to fear my husband and agree with everything he says. I don't agree with everything that anyone says. And second, we will do the Macarena and we WILL have an open bar.

All These Things That I've Done

Whew. Sorry I've been MIA here folks, but the past week and half have been sheer craziness and I'm finally just getting everything settled.

In the past 11 days, I have:

• Attended two weddings/rehearsals. One was awesome and the other sucked. I was a bridesmaid in the latter and a singer in the former. More on that later.
• Driven back and forth between Michigan and Chicago approximately 4 times. It was like 20 terrible hours on the road, half of them with my parents (Oh, the horror!). I don't want to travel again for a loooong time. Oh, wait, too bad I have to go home again in about 3 weeks. But that's for the recent grad reunion and UMich football and tailgating. Totally worth it.
• Moved into a new apartment, which I am NOT complaining about because our new place is fabulous. I have a closet and a full bed, and I no longer live above a neon Venice Pizza sign on Halsted. And I am living with one of my BFFs (yes, I did use that term and I meant it because I'm still a sorority girl at heart and I will abbreve whatever the hell I want to. Obvi.), so my living situation just got a whole lot better. I no longer have a roommate that creeps me out simply with her existence. But, anyway, moving is always stressful and slightly time consuming. And right after I moved in, I had to drive home for the other wedding so I'm finally getting to spend some time here since getting back to the city on Sunday.
• Watched Gossip Girl and contemplated whether I thought Chuck Bass was a skeeze or bad-boy charming. Jury's still out on that one. Also, I realize that doesn't count as something I really did, that, you know, took up time, but I wanted to throw it out there.
• DYED MY HAIR. Again, I know that's not really an event per se, but for me, it's a big deal. It always makes me feel new when I darken my hair (I have never wanted to be blonde in my entire life. true story), like something is starting over. Which is why I usually do it in the fall, because I feel like that's the best time to get a fresh start. And I really like to shock people so I just wait for them to notice. Which of course is kind of disappointing when the people around you aren't even aware of the color of their own pants. Sad. But yeah, I actually was going to dedicate an entire post to the topic and call it 'Black Velvet' or something equally lame. But then I reconsidered since I have nothing more to say about it and because I didn't dye it black, more like really really really dark brown with a hint of red. Which is totally different.

OK, so I guess that doesn't sound like much, but I also spent a week at home, where I was able to telecommute for work, so lots of running around/hanging out with my mom was done. And I had unexciting things to do like get my eyes checked (especially after last month's unfortunate incident) and go to the dentist (I had a filling. My face was numb for half of last Thursday.) So I wasn't going to write about those things. Even though I just did. Hmm.