Friday, March 28, 2008

So this is a blog.... this is blog. Not as scary as I imagined.
In the past, I've been very wary of blogs and online journals and anything even that even remotely resembled either of the two, because I felt they were cries for attention and just another way to clue in everyone on the planet on one's inner workings. I talk enough as it is and I didn't feel the need for further disclosure.
Until now, that is. At least sort of. I'm not quite as vehemently against blogs as I once was, but I still plan on testing the waters, one proverbial toe at a time. I don't anticipate jumping in all at once, letting everyone (OK, truly anyone who happens to stumble across this blog since I don't see myself broadcasting that I even have a blog just yet) know all the little nuances of my life. For one, I just moved here a few months ago and, honestly, my life isn't really that exciting yet. Promise. Secondly, I have a hard time talking about myself -- or at the the stuff below the surface. Anyone who knows me is aware that I can talk your ear off on any topic from feminism to Grease 2 (the greatest worst movie of all time) if given the chance. However, ask me what's really going on and you can really watch me squirm. Oh hey, look, I just broke a rule -- telling you a little about my quirks. Oh well.
OK, so if I'm so anti-blog, why am I starting one? Two reasons, with the first having to do with my career ambitions. I want to be a writer and I figured this would be a pretty decent writing exercise. Plus, if I have the illusion of an audience (I'm still very convinced this will remain a secret blog... is that paradoxical? I should look up the actual definition of 'blog'), I might feel slightly more accountable for writing more than once or twice a week. I suppose I'm simply trying to get the creative juices flowing. Also, a good friend of mine has a couple blogs, one for school and one on another specific topic, and she's already had some success in journalism. She hasn't even graduated yet! I think she has accomplished so much and I'm so proud of her, but I can't help but feel a bit jealous. So I'm trying the same route, hoping that with (a lot more) work, I can find a career that's slightly more exciting than the one I'm in right now. We'll see.
The second reason for writing here is more complicated. Like I said, I really don't need my innermost thoughts splashed across the Internet. BUT (yes, it's a big one), I'm coming to the realization that if/when I do succeed as a writer, that's exactly what I'll be doing. I will be putting my thoughts out there for the world to judge and analyze and just know. And those ideas will be recorded forever. It is one thing to express an idea aloud, but to commit it to paper is slightly daunting. My favorite quote ever (and normally quotes bother me, because I think, What, you aren't creative enough to come up with your own words? This is totally the exception) is one by Cynthia Ozick: "If we had to say what writing is, we would define it essentially as an act of courage." So this is me trying to muster up the courage to put what I think is my best out there and send some pieces to publishers. And, I guess it's my attempt at getting over this whole, "I don't want to talk about anything that bothers me/makes me happy/affects who I am as a person" thing. I can't exactly address anything if I smash it down and out of sight.
So, this is my foray into the world of blogging. Maybe I'll be converted to a blog devotee or maybe I'll shy away from online writing more than ever before. An experiment to be sure, but one that I suppose is worth conducting. Let's see how this goes, shall we?

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