Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Dating (dun dun dun...)

So last night I was talking to a guy friend of mine. Both being recent grads out in the real world, we were discussing how different it is to date now that we aren't in school. First of all, it's a lot harder to meet people. You don't have classes that force you to talk to random people on a daily basis and being heavily involved in clubs and organizations isn't quite the norm anymore. I've joined the alumni group here, but it's not like there are events ALL the time. You're also friends with the people you actually want to be friends with, not the 20,000 others with whom you were thrown into the protective academic bubble. This is good of course, but, personally, my group of friends in the city is limited, so the chances of meeting an interesting guy that I don't already know through one of my friends? Slim, at best. (Somehow, though, I really have a knack for introducing friends who live happily ever after while staying completely single myself...)
Oh, and meeting guys randomly? I've been here six months and it hasn't really worked out yet. Guys at bars? Ick. We talk. I think they're interested. They might even get my number. Then they suddenly realize that I am not going home with them and BAM, conversation is o-v-e-r faster than I can say, "it was nice to meet you!" Which is fine, because after that disgusting move, I have changed my mind. No, sir, it was NOT nice to meet you. I could have had a more enjoyable night reorganizing my underwear drawer. The contents of which, by the way, you will never, ever, ever see, you overgrown frat boy. So there. Hmph.
My mom (oh wise woman that she is) thinks I will meet the man of my dreams at a Starbucks or the library. I mean, that makes sense because I do love reading and coffee and I do spend a great deal of time at such establishments. However, I would rather not meet dates at these places. Why? Overcaffeinated, literary boys who write poetry and wear smaller jeans than I do. I'm stereotyping here. I'm well aware of this. But THAT is what makes me nervous about meeting persons of the opposite sex while drinking coffee and perusing the contemporary fiction section.
And if anyone even mentions that I could meet someone at the gym, I will invite you to come work out with me, just so you will understand that this is not an option. The guys at my gym are either gay (duh, I'm like a mile from Boystown) or too busy frolicking past the mirror to check themselves out. Either way, no one is looking at me. And thank God. I may look decent when I enter the gym (I like to think I can pull off the sport look well) but do not -- I repeat, DO NOT -- expect me to look even halfway decent after a bout on the treadmill. I'm pretty sure I sweat more than the guys (and whether that is because I sweat a lot since I run pretty hard or because the guys only do like 5 minutes of cardio to warm up for their 3.5 hour strength training session, I don't know). Would you like to see my sports bra? Just give me 40 minutes to get my blood pumping and I'm sure it'll show up through my t-shirt. Mmmm... I know. I am definitely not a girly girl when I'm at the gym (OK, well, to be honest, I'm never a girly girl, but especially not at the gym). In conclusion, I will probably not meet my next boyfriend during a workout.
OK, so onto the discussion that inspired this piece to begin with. After talking about meeting people, we were just joking around about looks of the people we meet. For some reason, I'm always curious about what guys think of things that I'm not even sure they notice. Like makeup or shoes. This particular evening, I was joking around that it was my hair that was hindering my love life. [Sidenote: I have this wavy hair that can either look really beachy/wild/sexy or sort of crazy/homeless/unbrushed. At least in my opinion. And it probably doesn't help that, come summer, I don't bother with drying it like, ever.] His response? (which had nothing to do with hair, btw) "No, you don't date because you aren't trying to." Excuse me?!? Not trying? I haven't seriously dated in a few years and I think it's about time I do, so I was shocked that he said this! I was always fun and outgoing in college and I was never at a loss for compliments (OK, that came out reeeeally wrong... the point is that I wasn't a troll who never got out, OK!?!?)
But then... but then... I actually thought about it. How does one actually try to date? I want to date, but besides going out on weekends and trying to get involved in groups, how do I take the initiative? I don't have much else to say on this, other than, I need help! Anyone out there have any ideas? I need to learn how to date again! I feel like a divorcee who's figuring it all out again. Except I'm 23. And I've never been married. Or had a super serious boyfriend because I end up being heartless and roll my eyes when boys want to talk about feelings. Yep, I definitely need some help. So... help!

1 comment:

chandra said...

I TOTALLY know where you're coming from on this!! I broke up with my last boyfriend in Oct of 2007, I've had ONE date since. JUST ONE. Last year I always had guys hitting on me and asking me out! Not the case these days. And I'm almost 25lbs lighter now than I was last year... I keep asking my friends WTF is up and why I can't get a date but no one has an answer.

Oh, and I died at your thing about the bars. I met this nice, cute guy at the bar two weeks ago. After talking for a few minutes he asked if I had a boyfriend and I just kind of laughed and said I haven't even had a date in 7 months. So he went on to ask me, "You mean you haven't even kissed someone in over 7 months?" I said no and he replied, "Wow, I feel bad for you, I almost want to makeout with you." Which I politely declined. We talked for like 45 minutes then on his way out he just said "Sorry we couldn't makeout tonight!" Not "Can I get your #" or even "Nice to meet you". WTF?!

Sorry for the long comment. :)