Everytime We Touch

Tonight, right before she went to bed, I asked my roommate for a hug.

That sounded strange, didn't it? The thing is, I'm realizing more and more that one of the biggest things I miss about college and being 45 minutes away from family is the physical human contact. In high school and college, I was super affectionate with my friends and I took it completely for granted. I don't know if it's the fact that I've become a little hardened from living in the city or because I have this notion that adults just don't hug willy-nilly whoever, but now hugging and touching the people I love is not part of my daily life.

I realized that tonight as I (sheepishly) asked my roommate, who is also one of my best friends, for a hug and she said, "Of course! Are you OK?" While I appreciated the hug and her concern, it dawned on me that when needing a hug only indicates that someone is hurting, there's a problem.

The thing is, I come from a pretty touchy-feely family and adore human contact. But tonight, not only was I appalled that I felt silly for asking for a hug from one of my best friends, but I was shocked that I couldn't recall the last embrace I'd had. I ran into a friend on the street on my way to the gym downtown a while ago and when we parted ways, I gave her the biggest hug ever. And before then it may have been when I saw friends at a bar for St. Patty's. And before that it was when my sister visited in mid-February. Guys, I'm averaging less than one hug per week. Sad, isn't it?

Anyway, I think maybe I should try to change this. Maybe that's part of why I've really felt down and not quite myself in Chicago yet. Not only am I losing touch with who I am, but I'm losing touch in general in a very literal way. In fact, hugging has become such a rarity that I've occasionally come close to bursting into tears from a quick squeeze from a good friend. (crazy woman alert) I've never been excessively emotional, but this little act overwhelms me, like someone is throwing me a life preserver and reminding me of who I am and that people are pretty wonderful. You didn't know the topic of hugging could be so philosophical, did you?

As silly as it might seem, I may have to start requesting hugs from my friends. I have plenty of people that I know here, so that's not the issue. It's that I shy away and remain aloof when everyone is hugging in big groups. And on top of that, I forgot how integral it is to who I am as a person and to my satisfaction with life. Hugs should be natural, yes, but I think I'm out of practice, so I'll just have to ask. I read a study somewhere (correct me if I'm wrong) that humans need something like seven hugs per day to maintain a happy lifestyle. So maybe I should make that my number one goal for the month of April (or start now so I can stop being a Debbie Downer ASAP)-- get a hug everyday and work my way up from there.

What do you guys think? How important is physical contact and hugging to you and your happiness quotient?

Stream of Consciousness

Hmmm... I'm not really having one coherent thought right now, but I told myself I needed to write more! So really I'm just going to list a lot of the random musings from the past few days, just to keep it up.

I really want to go vegan, but man alivey, it is expensive! And i can totally see myself forming a close/highly addictive relationship with Whole Foods since it is within walking distance from my apartment! For now, vegetarianism is going to have to suffice and I'll go vegan as much as I can.

I have this personality pattern where I'm super quiet when you first meet me -- bordering on aloof -- but then I just get downright wacky. The other girls in the writing department can certainly attest to this. Today, after someone said "hello," I broke out in song with Lionel Richie's 80s classic --you guessed it -- "Hello." And last week, one person said, "You know I asked her once, twice..." and do you know what I finished with? That's right. "Three times a lady...." And I was met with a blank stare. (Apparently it's weird to sing at work? Some of my coworkers with less-than-stellar voices could be clued in on this....) Maybe, subconsciously, I'm just obsessed with Lionel Richie. If I bust out "Dancing on the Ceiling," I'll know I have a problem. Or could it be that I have some form of Turret's. But instead of swearing or having random, loud outbursts, I have the uncontrollable urge break into song. Worth considering.

And that somehow brings me to my next thought. Wouldn't it be great if life were like a musical? Where it was perfectly acceptable to turn everyday conversations and interactions into song and dance numbers? I'm definitely not one of those people who walks around singing show tunes (In fact, if you decide that belting out your favorites from "Wicked" is an appropriate social activity, I may have to reconsider our friendship), but I would love to be able to just turn common phrases into catchy choruses every once in a while. "No, No, No, the Printer Is Broken," "Sorry, My Train Was Late Again (But Really I Just Didn't Get Up In Time)," and "Must Get Coffee" would surely be heard during every 20-something's day at least as often as the latest pop and hip-hop tracks.

On a serious (or at least slightly less flippant) note, today was absolutely beautiful. Very windy, but hello, I do live in Chicago. It was sunny all day and it even hit 70! Too bad i was wearing a heavy winter coat as I wandered around downtown after work. I don't know why, but it made me feel a little like a homeless person. (Really, don't ask me why, these things never turn out well.) Anyway, I wandered all the way down to Lake Shore Drive and just ended up sitting by Lake Michigan, looking out at nothing and everything. So beautiful. There's also just something so...maybe the word I'm looking for here is cleansing... yes, cleansing...about staring out across a massive body of water while waves crash against the wall at your feet and the wind whips your hair all over the place and doesn't really let you care. (OK, well let's be honest, my hair is beyond help anyway so I have a hard time caring as it is.) Ah, yes. Obviously, it's a literal breath of fresh air, but it's also a figurative one as well. It's that inhalation, that pause before going on with your life. It's the comma in the run-on sentence of your existence. (Hey that almost sounded really reflective and significant, didn't it? Too bad I had to go and drag grammar into it.) Anyway, I just think it's pretty amazing that I can stroll on down to one of the Great Lakes whenever I damn well please. And I need to keep reminding myself of that. There are certain things about my life that are pretty cool, actually.

OK, this is me being tired and running out of random thoughts... maybe I'll come up with more tomorrow. Maybe.