Everytime We Touch

Tonight, right before she went to bed, I asked my roommate for a hug.

That sounded strange, didn't it? The thing is, I'm realizing more and more that one of the biggest things I miss about college and being 45 minutes away from family is the physical human contact. In high school and college, I was super affectionate with my friends and I took it completely for granted. I don't know if it's the fact that I've become a little hardened from living in the city or because I have this notion that adults just don't hug willy-nilly whoever, but now hugging and touching the people I love is not part of my daily life.

I realized that tonight as I (sheepishly) asked my roommate, who is also one of my best friends, for a hug and she said, "Of course! Are you OK?" While I appreciated the hug and her concern, it dawned on me that when needing a hug only indicates that someone is hurting, there's a problem.

The thing is, I come from a pretty touchy-feely family and adore human contact. But tonight, not only was I appalled that I felt silly for asking for a hug from one of my best friends, but I was shocked that I couldn't recall the last embrace I'd had. I ran into a friend on the street on my way to the gym downtown a while ago and when we parted ways, I gave her the biggest hug ever. And before then it may have been when I saw friends at a bar for St. Patty's. And before that it was when my sister visited in mid-February. Guys, I'm averaging less than one hug per week. Sad, isn't it?

Anyway, I think maybe I should try to change this. Maybe that's part of why I've really felt down and not quite myself in Chicago yet. Not only am I losing touch with who I am, but I'm losing touch in general in a very literal way. In fact, hugging has become such a rarity that I've occasionally come close to bursting into tears from a quick squeeze from a good friend. (crazy woman alert) I've never been excessively emotional, but this little act overwhelms me, like someone is throwing me a life preserver and reminding me of who I am and that people are pretty wonderful. You didn't know the topic of hugging could be so philosophical, did you?

As silly as it might seem, I may have to start requesting hugs from my friends. I have plenty of people that I know here, so that's not the issue. It's that I shy away and remain aloof when everyone is hugging in big groups. And on top of that, I forgot how integral it is to who I am as a person and to my satisfaction with life. Hugs should be natural, yes, but I think I'm out of practice, so I'll just have to ask. I read a study somewhere (correct me if I'm wrong) that humans need something like seven hugs per day to maintain a happy lifestyle. So maybe I should make that my number one goal for the month of April (or start now so I can stop being a Debbie Downer ASAP)-- get a hug everyday and work my way up from there.

What do you guys think? How important is physical contact and hugging to you and your happiness quotient?

A Change Would Do You Good

You know what, guys? I am in a serious dry spell. With pretty much every aspect of my life. I'm in need of inspiration from... somewhere. My love life (or lack thereof) could use a little shake up, my workouts have been boring and repetitive, my job is seeming a bit more monotonous than usual (still WAY better than my last one, so don't think I'm not thankful to have a job in this economy), my motivation for well, anything, is almost nonexistent, and I feel like I do the same thing every single weekend, if I really do anything at all. In short, I'm in a rut in a big way.

I'm not trying to be a downer here because I'm not usually a wallower, and I know i wrote about this before, but I guess I just need some advice. I can't get rid of this feeling. How do you shake things up when you really can't make any drastic changes? As much as I would love to move to Italy on a whim and just write and live this amazingly charmed, romantic life, I can't right now. Plus, even if I could, sometimes I'm a little too practical for my own good. I've got all of these grand plans for myself, but I am paralyzed by logic (dammit), and I worry, worry, worry. I'm only 23 (almost 24, eek), so this should be the time when I should try to up and leave the country or do the job I really want to do (personal training while freelance writing... that would be living the dream!), right? That way if I fall on my face, I can easily pick myself back up without worrying that I broke a hip or blew my kid's college fund. I mean... right?

Anyway, back to the original point of this post... how do you shake things up when you have limited room for shaking? Once i tackle that then I can conquer the rest of my big dreams. But for now... ideas?

BTW, this is something new and different for me... I'm telling you to go and check out Kelly T's blog to enter her amazing giveaway! Plus she's freaking hilarious, so if nothing else, you'll be laughing, even if you don't like free, cute workout gear. Which would make you crazy.

Simple Kind of Life

I think that's what I need right about now.

It's not that my life is so terribly complicated, but does anyone else ever feel like they just need a break from life in general? That they need a whole life detox?

I've been trying really hard to stay upbeat despite the cold weather and utter lack of sunshine. I've been making sure that I get enough sleep, that I get my workouts in (endorphins, people!) and eat right, that I write a little every day, that I talk with friends and stay social. I've been making sure that I stay away from the things that get me stressed and cause me to freak out and ultimately turn into a downward spiral of crappy moods. But this week, it just fell apart. In spite of my best efforts, I felt horrible all week and it wasn't something I could talk myself out of. I've been overly sensitive and on edge and really getting angry at the littlest things. Which is so. not. like. me. Everyone who knows me sees me as pretty easy-going albeit a bit type-A at times. But not this past week. Sigh.

Let me give you a few examples. First of all, the holidays are usually my favorite time of the year. I just can't help but smile. But not this year. "I'll Be Home For Christmas" has sounded really depressing and buying presents for my family (which I normally love) has seemed like an impossible task. Here's another one: the other day on the bus I was just overcome with this overwhelming urge to scream because there were SO MANY DAMN PEOPLE. Yes, I do realize that it's public transportation, meaning that other people will inevitably use it as well. Which is why I could tell something was wrong with me. Then yesterday, my roommate, another friend, and I had decided to make gingerbread houses (Ok, FINE, they were graham cracker and Duncan Hines frosting houses) because we were all in the holiday spirit (or trying to be on my part). So I jumped in the shower after my run and got out to find that they had already started and were pretty much done. For some reason I was really hurt since I was assuming this was going to be a group activity and then it wasn't. Then feeling hurt made me scoff at myself for getting upset at things that wouldn't bother a seven year old.

I just don't get why this week has thrown me off so much! I don't know if I can blame PMS since that doesn't usually affect me. Plus this really seems beyond the little mood swings I normally get right before Aunt Flo comes to town. Like I said, I think I just need a little life detox. I need to shake up my routine -- the way I do things, the people I talk to, the schedule I've been keeping, the food I eat, the thoughts I think. I'm just not sure how to get started because I can't pinpoint what the trouble is. Just this inexplicable feeling that I've slowly been going crazy lately. I've even been thinking about picking up some sort of self-help book (even though I think so many are totally hokey) or something because I am at the end of my rope! Plus I need something new to read because I am STILL working my way through The Feminine Mystique.

Anyway, does anyone else ever feel like this? Just a little nuts and jumbled? And what do you do about it? Do you shake things up? Shift things around? Got any book ideas? Or just any ideas period?

Crush

Anyone remember that song? "I've got a crush on you..."

And you. And you. And hey, you, over there, you too.

OK, lately I've been having this problem. Well, maybe it's not a problem exactly. It's just that I seem to be developing a crush on pretty much every decent looking male I meet. I don't know whether it's because it's cold out (everyone knows that a cuddle buddy comes in handy in this weather) or because it's been a while since I've dated or because I'm just crazy hormonal, but seriously if you are under 30, taller than me, not a felon, and not going bald, I probably think you're cute. Oh right, and if you have all of your teeth. Anyway, it may seem like I have listed quite a few requirements, but honestly, I think those are givens.

But really, I seem to have all these little crushes everywhere I go lately. Nerdy guy from work I ride the train with? Oh yeah. I have apparently developed a thing for Weezer-style glasses and boys who read a lot. Friends of friends whom I hardly know? Yep. I guess I like the strong and silent type now too. Old friends from school who I only see every few months? OK, nevermind, that one's ongoing. Random trainers at the gym? Yep. Although to be fair, they ARE trainers and being hot is kind of their job. Point is, I have more crushes than a seventh grade girl.

The thing about these crushes, though, is that I don't actually do anything about them. Therein lies the problem. Beyond a little harmless flirting, there's not much action taken on my part. Which is something I want to work on because I used to be so good at just crooking my finger and, if nothing else, grabbing a guy's attention. And I know that sounds cocky, but sometimes I think that's what it takes -- going a little past confident and right on into I'm-pretty-sweet-how-have-you-not-noticed? territory. Not being obnoxious and doing something so that the whole building hears you, but carrying yourself a certain way to say, "Hey, I know I have something to be confident about, so maybe you should come talk to me to find out what it is."

So. New plan. Or goal. Or something. Maybe New Year's Resolution? Whatever. I'm going to make a concerted effort to show the confidence I have in myself and show genuine interest in some of these random crushes -- if for no other reason than because I'm worried that I forgot how to date. Or because I don't want to die alone with cats.

Ladies, how do you show interest in guys you meet?

[insert clever title here]

I don't really have much to say since things have been kind of low-key/ "meh" lately. Anyway, I thought I would just bullet point some thoughts so I would at least get something written. Usually I go for quality over quantity, but I also don't like to go toooo long without writing something for fear that the 3 people who read this will get bored and never return! Whew. So, if you read, please keep reading! I promise I'll write something good soon!

On to the bullets!

• I think I want to go to Greece. First of all, I hear it's beautiful. Perfect water, lots of sun. Heaven, essentially. And I think the food would be right up my alley. Hummus, veggies, pita, yogurt, olive oil. I also think they media is like OBSESSED with Greece/the Mediterranean because one of the style editors at Glamour just wrote about her trip to Croatia on the site and Mamma Mia is everywhere. And now I want to go see it.
• Going off of that, I love movie musicals. They have the potential to be AMAZING or downright terrible. Which means that they go full circle and become amazing again. For example, the best/worst movie musical of all time: GREASE 2!! Pleeeeease, someone tell me that you've seen it. "I want a C-O-O-L R-I-D-E-R..." "Let's bowl, let's bowl, let's rockn' roll!" or "Reproduction!" Anyone? anyone? OK, someone better

• respond to that (I mean, please?) or at least go rent the movie if you haven't seen it. It's Michelle Pfeiffer at her finest/most embarrassing. I think this all stems from the fact that I was a half-theater nerd, half jock,half bookworm (OK, see... math wasn't my strong suit). I didn't ALWAYS want to hang out with the drama kids (it got a little weird after a while...), but I did want to sing ALL THE TIME, so I thought that if my high school were like Rydell, I would be set.
• Also, why is Tom Hanks' son in a KFC commercial? Remember when he actually starred in a movie? With Jack Black? Now he's selling fried chicken and shocking his advertisement friends by getting a pretty girl to actually go out with him. My, how things change. (Also, if that isn't him then someone please correct me. But if it isn't, the resemblance is uncanny.)
• My friends, college acquaintances, etc. need to STOP getting married and reproducing. I mean, they are lovely people (most of them), but it's making me feel like I'm falling behind! It's like I'm not hitting the milestones in time. And I'm only 23! Shouldn't I have more time? Graduate with honors from sweet school. Check. Move away from home. Check. Get first real job and apartment (OK my apartment is hardly real, but fine, whatever). Check. Find someone to spend the rest of life with and combine genes with? That box, my friends is very, very blank. No check marks there. I have time, right!?!?!


• 
  
  I love Jennifer Aniston. She's great. Even if she is dating John Mayer and I don't approve.


• 
  

• Oh man, and Conan O'Brien. I love him and never get to watch him anymore since I am usually in bed or at least not watching TV at this hour. But tonight I am still up for no apparent reason so I am thoroughly enjoying his incredible awkwardness, self-deprecating humor, and gravity-defying hair.
• OK, this is for you, foodie friends: I really want to start cooking because right now, I run the risk of ruining microwaved dishes. I CAN cook, but I lose patience because I think, 'Oh, what's the use? If it's terrible, I'll have to nuke something anyway.' So most of the time I have carrots and hummus and oatmeal for dinner. Hmmm. Yeah. So from you, food bloggers/cooking gurus, I need your easiest, fastest, (cheapest?) yummiest recipes so I can become a functioning adult and not ingest so many of the chemical seeping out of my Tupperware into my food. (PS, I love all veggies and veg*n food but I'm open to almost anything, including poultry and fish, besides... well, mammal.)
• And, last thing, I know I've written this before, but I need some inspiration, and I would especially love to know what YOU are interested in. It doesn't even have to be an opinion about something. I know I talk about me on here, but so far I haven't totally told you about me because I don't even know where to start. I know it may seem as though I divulge a lot of info because I CANNOT SHUT UP, but really I think I just say a lot of the same stuff twice (or 15 times). So help me out. Got any questions? Requests? Wondering why I can't just type one sentence and leave it at that? (Actually, I can't answer that one either.) Let me know!

OK, I need to crash to make it through one more day this week. Good night!

Drought

OK, ya'll. I'm seriously lacking in the inspiration department. I so wanted to write something creative and witty and thought-provoking tonight, but nothing was coming to me. I kept collecting these little tidbits and funny observations in my mind, but a coherent thought never really formed. Well, I mean, I'm not always totally coherent anyways... but today and this weekend, I was less so than usual. But I digress (what's new?). So, to the few people that read this blog (hey, I'm new!), I need your help! Post something, anything you think I should write about, and I'll see what I can do. I have an opinion on everything (truly, everything), so all I need is some help getting started. So let me hear it! The weirder and more out there, the better!

And if you really don't believe me that I'm stumped, here's an example of what I was thinking about writing:

"This morning on my way to work, I was walking along enjoying the sun (right before Mother Nature ripped open the sky and poured down on my cheap Forever 21 dress that probably wasn't even supposed to get wet). SUDDENLY (I'm so good at dramatics), something hit me in the neck (and no, it wasn't spit this time -- this flew at me horizontally). I figured it was a ladybug or something so I went to grab it and it STUNG ME. Right in the neck! Because it was a bee, and not a harmless little ladybug as I had assumed. The whole way to work, my neck stung like crazy and all I could think were panicked thoughts about how, no, I wasn't allergic to bees but this was my neck! It would probably swell up and block my airway and I would have to rush to the ER and then I would have to miss work. (Hmmm... actually... maybe it would be nice if I were allergic...) I could not stop thinking about how much drama was about to ensue. Then I hopped off the Purple Line and went into Starbucks and forgot all about it as soon as I ordered my iced coffee.

That is, until noon, when I remembered my unfounded panic and went to the bathroom to check out my sting from the deadly creature. Which really wasn't even there. No red mark or anything. How disappointing. Nothing exciting ever happens to me."

OK, so do you SEE how much I need some help?! Clearly that was a cliff hanger. Give me a topic here!